Today I read in an article that psychologists suggest that between the ages of 8 and 10 we are the most authentic version of ourselves. This is a humbling and startling statement ( if it's accurate, my authentic self is awkward, loves Titanic and is going to marry Leonardo DiCaprio) I'm going to challenge this however- because at 2 1/2, Grace Margaret Cayer is shockingly, unequivocally authentic. She also happens to be living her life more than a little bit like exactly how I wish I lived mine. Let me offer some examples..
1) She says no. Often. And she means it. Wearing her coat when it's below 40? Eating all of her vegetables before having a cookie? Better brush off your negotiating skills and offer some pretty hefty compensation or fool proof reasoning. While
2) She embraces her innate sense of style. If it has a monkey on it? She's rocking it. Jeans "don't fit" and she currently insists on wearing only leggings and sweatpants. The.girl.is.a.genius.
3)She constantly pushes the boundaries and thinks outside the box. Don't have a phone? This Lego will do perfectly to call and text Grandpa. Want a pet cat? Oh, I just happen to be carrying around a very cute kitten in my pocket- just be sure to not sit on him. She is flexible and innovative and is constantly using her imagination. This is generally appreciated, until she uses her imagination to tell her Mimi that "Mama makes me sad because she throws me out the window".
4)She forgives instantly and trusts implicitly. Just last night, I told her that she couldn't
go to London on an airplane until she was potty-trained because diapers were not allowed on airplanes. This is now an irrovokable truth. Lest I become too drunk with this power, she has also taken to liberal use of the phrase "Are you KIDDING me?" But she doesn't waste her energy on grudges or resentment. Balance can be restored in her world with a snuggle, a kiss, a princess bandaid.
5)Exuberence and enthusiuasm. She's got 'em. Everything is an adventure. She gets excited about eating dinner, excited about reading the same book at bedtime, ecstatic when I pick her up at school. I know this won't last, I've seen glimpses of it slipping away- but that joy? It's one of my favorite things about her, something I hope she holds onto always. It gets forgotten so easily and life quickly becomes mundane without it.
6)She always says exactly what she is thinking. She tells people when she doesn't like them (this is typically very fleeting), sings a little song about being able to see various parts of my anatomy when we are together in dressing rooms (sorry, patrons of Target) and best of all- bestows I love yous and thank yous at every turn.
7) She is the most confident and unknowingly hilarious person that I know. She will recite, verbatim, that she is "Beautiful, smart, funny and kind". She will hang up her play phone and tell me "You called me Mama. To tell me that you love me. Because you do", I will make it my personal mission to remind her of this every day. She is all of these things and more- that is her most
authentic self.
I have created a world for myself where I am constantly biting my tongue, holding back, doubting myself. I have no desire to be the person my 8 or 10 year old self wanted me to be (mainly because I think that version would be unbelievably disappointed that I did not, in fact, marry Leo).
That person has been replaced by the type of mother I want to be and exactly like the two and a half year old daughter I'm lucky enough to have.
