Dignity...

Remember that time I got REALLY mad (and a little queasy) at Brett Favre for being a cheating, scummy joke of a man? Yeah, me too. 

The other day, while doing really important web-based research wasting my life online, I came across this gem. And was once again floored by how much people,as a whole, could really so disappointing. 

The quick version? Former Giants player Tiki Barber, who is also an on-air correspondent for NBC Sports, cheated on his 8-month pregnant (WITH TWINS) wife of 11 years. With the 23 year old babysitter, a former intern for NBC. Who is now his girlfriend. 

Heart-breaking? This quote from  his 2007 memoir, "Tiki: My Life in the Game and Beyond," in which Barber described the example he wanted to set for his kids.

"I want to be an honorable man, because that's what I want them both to be," he wrote, noting, "My family is everything to me."

All the things I said to Brett- apply to Tiki. But reading about this, paired with recent discussions I’ve had due to the passing of Elizabeth Edwards & all the ridiculous things she got put through, got me to thinking. 

Yes, there is blame (quite a lot of it) that needs to be directed at the unfaithful party. But I’m starting to think that for every morally deficient, ego-inflated, unfaithful guy there is out there- that there is a least a handful of girls (because they certainly can’t be classified as adult women) with little concern for pregnant wives, the families they may be destroying and the kind of person they are,in turn, becoming.

As the mother of a daughter (one sure to be of the heart-breaking variety) I now feel a giant responsibility.  To raise her to have dignity. 

To understand that if someone is going to be unfaithful FOR you- there is not much to deter them from being unfaithful TO you. 

To want more for her life than to be somebody’s “other” woman. 

To have her realize (and believe, whole-heartedly) that she deserves someone who is so in love with her- and just her- that the whole world simply fades away. 

To be braver than I am, braver than I was, braver than many of the women I know. 

To understand that being alone, learning to love yourself, is better than being some body’s second choice. 

To believe in karma, or at least believe that whatever negative chaos you knowingly create in the universe by your selfishness- it is coming back to you. At least double. 

To recognize mistakes before she makes them, or at the very least, find a way to glean the positive from the mistakes you didn’t see coming. 

To know how to politely disagree & how to get angry, when the situation calls for it. Even if she’s angry at me.  

To not be intoxicated by all things that seem shiny and new & to recognize that sometimes, the things you have now just need a little polish.

To bounce back from the unexpected. 

To acknowledge her own struggles, but keep a sense of perspective. 

To be respectful. And kind.

And recognize that everybody has their battles & struggles- but no one can understand who goes on in intimate relationships but the two people involved- so keep your judgements to yourself. 

To be unafraid to love, but even less afraid to walk away. 

 If my daughter turns out to a better woman than I am- a stronger, more confident, fearless woman....

I'll know I've done my job.