These are a few of my favorite things...

I spent yesterday on the couch. And I mean..the entire day. I can count on one hand the amount of times I dragged myself up from the couch. My mom was kind enough to take Grace, when I called her almost in tears at 6 am, faced with the prospect of entertaining a 9 month old when I was certain death must be knocking at my door. Andrew brought a case of ginger ale, saltines & water near me & helped me locate the remote (I was laying on it) as I was extremely distraught that I had been watching ESPN since 4 in the morning (did you know this is the only channel that doesn't play infomercials at 4 am?) . I can tell you all the sports highlights from yesterday. In order. I know far more than I ever cared to about college basketball. And Gilbert Arenas suspension (fyi- appalling. Should never be allowed to play basketball again. You are a role model- don't care if you don't like it, you signed up for it along with that ridiculous paycheck. Blegh!) So yesterday, being alone & awfully pathetic, I thought of the many things in my life I take for granted & all the things that make me happy. I thought I was dying, remember? Perfect time for self- reflection :)

   First of all.I took a nap yesterday. An EPIC, hours long, middle of the day nap. I woke up cozy warm & confused. Wondering why a baby wasn't crying and where Andrew was, because he must need me to locate something for him. This confusion may have had something to do with the fever I'd been fielding all day but the truth remains- I love naps.  I miss naps. Napping was the best thing I ever learned in college. 

 (Please note- I realized WHY I no  longer napped, besides the obvious reasons, when I was still awake at midnight & Grace was ready to play at 6:00 am. I'm old. )

I dreamed of a day where I could lounge around, napping, reading, catching up on bad TV. A day without a baby that needed to eat, cry & be played with all day long. I thought this would be paradise. Instead, I learned that I am in fact, obsessed with my baby. I called my mom every few hours, for updates. Now Gracie is pretty amazing- but she's only 9 months old..she really doesn't do much. My irrational fever fears included that she might walk, read War & Peace, get her drivers license & graduate from college while I was home, being a lazy bum, on the couch. 

SO..I've decided to institute a "theme-day" to this blog. Lacking creativity- I'm going to call it "Favorite Thing Fridays".  Here are a few of my favorite things, currently:

1.  Modern Family. I stumbled upon this gem one day while browsing Hulu (which by the way, is a fabulous invention). It is rare that I laugh out loud while watching TV. Hilarious. Check it out, please- you won't be disappointed. 
2. Leggings. Let me be the first to say I resisted this trend for as long as possible.I couldn't imagine that spandex-type fabric could ever be remotely flattering. But I bought a super cute shirt/dress (and when you are as short as I am, clothing of ambiguous length automatically favors the longer option) at Target for $4  (score!) and decided to try it out. I got complimented AND they are SO comfortable. Since being pregnant- I have a huge issue with waist-bands that are not elastic. Even when clothes like jeans fit- I feel ridiculously claustrophobic with their snaps and buttons and zippers.. which makes dressing in a way that is socially acceptable practically impossible. Solution? Leggings. Of course, by the time I post this, they will probably not be fashionable anymore. Sigh. 
3. Gracie's new habit of clapping. I feel like I am constantly being applauded. Just for being alive. The first thing she did this morning when she saw me was wave and then clap. Instant ego-booster. 
4. My blender. Smoothies. Margaritas. Frozen coffee type drinks that rival a coolatta. Why did it take me so long to acquire this kitchen appliance?
5. French-toast coffee. Particularly when it is delivered to me, freshly made, while I am still half-asleep on the couch. 

I intended to post pictures today as well, but my internet is being temperamental. They will be coming soon, so consider this post under construction.. :)

Feeling the sunlight...

She left pieces of her life behind her everywhere she went.

 It's easier to feel the sunlight without them, she said.

I’ve had a lot of opportunity for self-reflection & just general thought over the past couple days. The reasons why are so silly, I don’t even want to bother to get into them. But it has certainly opened my eyes about a lot of different things. 

  For the majority of our childhood & adolescence, we spend our time in lock-step with our peers. Every major milestone chronologically mapped out- 8th grade dances, drivers licenses, high school graduations. Maybe these things are separated by few months and granted, nobody experiences in exactly the same way- but they are fairly similar. After high school, people slowly begin to forge their own paths, but again- an established framework is already in place. College, or taking a year, or starting some sort of a career or profession.

  We spend this time waiting impatiently for the next milestone, excited about changes and racing forward to meet them. And then we reach this point- determined by completely unique timetables- where life begins to barrel towards us, instead of the other way around.Everything is constantly changing and moving and forcing us to grow and learn and readjust within our own skin. It’s both exciting. And petrifying. 

   The most difficult aspect of this inevitable transition is that there is no longer a large pool of people on the same page as you are. The pages are flipping and turning and breaking straight out of the binding. And those people who walked side-by-side with you, waiting on the next big thing- they most likely won’t be there with you anymore. One of the most beautiful gifts the universe can give is those friends that grow with you- that push you to do better, be more & the ones who sit back with you and enjoy your own crazy ride. I have several of these friends and they are invaluable. People that I know will be a phone call, a car ride, a desperate glance away, no matter what life throws in my path. But the fact remains that when it comes to some people, some things, some experiences- you just have to let go. This doesn’t mean you care any less, valued them any less, loved them any less. But the burden of trying to hold on to what you shared with them and because of them is far greater that the freedom of accepting that life moves on. 

  It’s hard for me not to mourn the people, the places & the things who have slowly fallen out of my life because they weren’t willing to strap themselves near to me & hang on for the ride. Or because they simply couldn’t. Or because I couldn’t. But as I sit cross-legged typing, with the dull ache in my back that never fails to make me feel old- I can feel the warmth radiating from Andrew near to me and hear the gentle raspy breathing of my baby girl, who I know without even looking is sprawled across her crib- and feel so very lucky. What have I truly lost? I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else but right here & now. 

Except for maybe on a Caribbean island, where the sun is hot against my skin, with a hunky cabana boy serving me margaritas & my body miraculously restored to pre-baby condition. Hey...there’s no shame in dreaming...right? :)

Life was undoubtedly simpler then...

But can you really beat

                                        

This?

I'm not your honey!

It just doesn't get much cuter than that......

 It's been a while since I've written anything. I was a little worried, because this is how my writing projects tend to go. I have scathes of journals with one entry, grand plans that never quite make it to fruition. And then BAM- inspiration hit me again today and I was left making notes on napkins so I didn't forget. 
    Last weekend, I travelled to CT with Alicia to go to Maureen's bridal shower- it was a beautiful shower & I was sad that due to the silly snow we had to leave early. I'm constantly amazed by people's creativity and this shower (as will be the same with Maureen & Eric's wedding, I have no doubt) was no exception. It was nice to have a girly day without Miss Grace, but I realized when I started pointing out EVERY baby that we say on our numerous pee breaks on the ride home- I really missed her. Kudos to Alicia for putting up with me. I also would like to extend a big thanks to her for allowing us to take multiple pee breaks- something that is entirely foreign to me as Andrew has ONE rest stop he will consider stopping at, for the duration of the trip. And if I happen to be sleeping or otherwise distracted when we pass the exit- you snooze you lose..I ride the rest of the way with my legs crossed very tightly together. Not pleasant, as I tend to get slightly vicious when faced with the overwhelming, all-consuming need to pee.  Eek.


    I spent most of this week planning and preparing for (or at least, thinking about preparing for and leaving to the absolute last minute) a "surprise" going away party for Robyn, who is moving back home to Manchester. I'm not very good with surprises, so Robyn caught on to me, but a fun time was had by all. But the whole thing got me thinking. Since I've had Grace, life has turned into this bittersweet, wonderful, whirlwind. We are all starting to grow up, move away. Everyday, it feels like Grace is doing something new. Just this week she has started to really master her drunken-sailor walk, stumbling along while someone holds her hands ( I still get the best laughs out of when she steps on her own feet) as well as pull her self up. She wants to be standing and semi-mobile almost all the time.

I looked at her the other day, sitting in her high chair, eating puffs & drinking out of her sippy cup and I felt like I had been hit by a truck. She wasn't my little baby anymore, new& fresh to the world , needing me to shelter her, teach her, keep her close in this new place. She's quickly becoming a little girl, with likes and dislikes, personality coming out of her ears. I get so excited with each new milestone, but I can't help it that it tugs at my heart strings a little bit. I make myself dizzy trying to hold on to every moment, because the cliche of time moving at warp-speed when you are enjoying life with your child- is so very true. Bittersweet for sure. 
    
One of the only things I've managed to get accomplished over my winter break is watching a lot of deliciously reprehensible reality television. Hello-- Jersey Shore? Now there are many things I love about Andrew, but this next admission is one that will probably embarrass him. I love that he gets JUST as sucked into watching Teen Mom as I do. Must be that baby thing. I also love that he agrees with all my observations and frustrations. He suggested that someone should follow us around with cameras because anything he does that is remotely obnoxious would pale in comparison to the loser boys that are portrayed on that show, therefore making him look like a superhero. I pointed out several flaws with this brilliant brain-child of his.  A) We are not teenagers. B) We actually like each other, most days. C) We live painfully boring lives. No one would watch us on television. So much for fame & fortune. But I will admit- Andrew comes pretty close to superhero status. Fantastic dad, supportive beyond belief..and he makes me laugh even when I want to be mad at him. Oh..almost got sappy there, whoops :) But you get the idea..
  
  Finally...my gripe of the day. I was at Chili's today, picking up a "to-go" order. I had to wait quite a lot of time for my "GG Buf Chick Sand" (I was unaware there was Chili 's lingo- this means my guiltless grill buffalo chicken sandwich) so there was a lot of back & forth conversation between myself and the server. Who was a girl around my age, if not a little bit younger. And she insisted on constantly referring to me as "honey" or "hun". It was all I could do not to scream at her.  There is no way to call another girl "honey" that does not come off as condescending. The idea of pet names in a relationship sometimes makes me a little queasy- very few of my boyfriends have ever gotten to "honey" status- Andrew has earned it. So I definitely DO NOT need some chick at Chili's throwing it around like we've been dating for the past 3 years. No thank you. 

Days of Mourning...

Really Grandpa? They LOST? Tom Brady threw HOW many interceptions?

        

I needed to take a few days to fully process what happened between the hours of  1pm and 4:30 on Sunday. Mourn...avoid Sports Center and any other sports highlights like the plague. Let me first say that I would have NEVER,  ever imagined that I would be engaged to someone who was not a Patriots fan OR a red sox fan. This has presented several unique challenges into our relationship. Mainly, we try and keep sports talk to a minimum, because our trash-talking has been known to get vicious. The fact that the Cowboys are still in the playoffs & the Pats are off to play some golf...brings a whole new level of pain. Gracie and I haven't decided who we're rooting for now...but I can tell you one thing..it is NOT the cowboys :)

                I'd like to put a more positive spin on a dismal situation and talk about the reason why I'm always so sad when the Patriots season is over, most times regardless of their record. Of course, I love the Patriots & I love to see them win. Anybody who really knows me and my family knows what kind of a hold comes over us during football season. Gracie attended training camp this year, at 3 months old. We're intense.

      But what I value most about football season is the time that we spend together, as a family. Every Sunday, we gather together, in the Patriots palace. And I'm not exaggerating. My dad has assembled every Patriots gadget, piece of memorabilia(including an original seat from Foxboro and an actual game ball) & decoration- the place is a mecca. In December, we have an entire Patriots themed tree, just for that room. This Christmas, Andrew & I bought him a Patriots garden gnome..because he truly has EVERYTHING else you could imagine. We put on our respective jerseys. We eat oh-so-good but oh-so-bad for you food. We complain about the refs. We cheer together, grimace together, yell together. We laugh about commercials and at announcers. We sit in the same seats. We tell the same jokes (everyone knows I can't keep a straight face when we play Tampa Bay, how we long for the "PPP look"- Poor, Pitiful Peyton, and what exactly, the "Ken rule" means). We come together for no other reason than to support our team. No ulterior motives, no presents, no stress. Ok, maybe a little stress- because we all know how the Patriots like to operate. But I look forward to every Sunday during football season, where I can kick back with my family and some valued friends (anyone who has been around us during a Pats game has seen our TRUE colors) And when this time ends,  I can't help but feel sad. So I look onward, with hope and lots of prayers for Wes Welker's speedy and full recovery, to August & preseason football. I'll be counting down the days!

      In other, less depressing, news, Gracie's newest way to amuse herself is by lip-smacking. I am only a little bit sad because this new development has heralded the end of my personal favorite period- the raspberry-blowing days. For weeks on end, she would blow raspberries CONSTANTLY. At anyone who so much as looked at her. Over Christmas, my mom & I were finishing up some last minute shopping at the mall. We ran into practically everyone we knew and as they were all telling us what a beautiful little girl Grace was, she would, on cue, blow a disgusting, slobbery raspberry directly in their faces. So lady-like. I loved it. She would even do it in the car, simply for her own amusement. 

   She has also started to throw temper tantrums. If I take something away from her that she shouldn't be playing with, such as my cell phone, or our remote control- she freaks. Screams and cries like the world is coming to an end. Now she's always been adorable, even when she cries. But when she cries like this- dramatically- and when I know there is nothing else wrong, I get quite a lot of amusement out of watching her performance. This might classify me as a bad mother, but I can't help but laugh at her & ridiculous crocodile tears. I'm sure this is a subject she will revisit in therapy many years from now. 

She's faking it. I promise. 

    I also am in love with the wide open, tooth-less grin she gives me upon waking up from her nap or first thing in the morning. I want to climb in her crib and just snuggle & giggle with her. Somehow, I figure she would find this less than amusing. So I pick her up instead. But don't think I don't consider it, every single time. 

"Healthy" Competition & Other Happenings..

Seth and Andrew marveling over the "trophy" they won from Guesstures. They requested a picture of this. Unlike Rhianon and I, who have now won 

Cranium TWICE in a row, they apparently need validation and photographic

proof of their winnings :)

Can I just say I have NEVER been a competitive person? Not ever. I didn't really play sports growing up (due to a serious lack of hand-eye coordination- my almost 9 month old is currently far more coordinated than I am, no joke) and I have never seen the need to be cut-throat, all out, or intense in any aspect of my life. I was never a sore loser. But for some reason, the game nights we've been having recently have changed my tune. The thrill of beating Andrew at something- when in reality he is better than me at everything not involving a textbook- is intoxicating. We argue about the rules, belittle the thoughts and actions of the boys that we love and really get rather vicious. I'm not sure what this means about our relationship. But I'd like to say again for the record..we won Cranium TWICE. Two whole times. Which is one time more than the boys. That makes us winners. And not losers. 

Gracie and I spent a lovely day with Mimi, shopping for new books & scrap booking supplies and going out to a lunch that included fried cheese & a molten white chocolate cake. In a word? Perfection. There is nothing like the smell and feel of a new book in your hands. Going to Barnes & Noble with a gift card for me is the equivalent or a crack addict with a fresh stash...ecstasy. AND I got a brand new cookbook for our crock-pot. I'm a little embarrassed to admit that the Christmas gift I was most excited about, and have used the most since Christmas, is my crock-pot...

                        

       
  Hmm..Soda, that sounds like something good to try. 

Or at least something good to dump

all over my Mom's lap & brand new coat. Yeah..I like that idea. 

                                                  

                                                                

         My sweet peanut girl looks like she might be plotting something here. Like exactly what time she will wake up screaming. Or how she will time that projectile spit up just right, for maximum impact. I'm convinced she's a little bit sinister-- but the way she burrows her head in my chest, and her breath gets slow & her body heavy in that peaceful time just before sleep...that makes me forget. 

Currently debating whether to go spend some time on the evil elliptical OR curl up on the couch with my book. Hmmm... decisions, decisions :)

Teen Mom, Richard Simmons & some facts about Gracie..

  Watching Daddy shave in her pink polar bear pjs...life is good!

        One of my goals in writing this blog is to have something to share with Grace when she wants to know what she was like as a baby. By the time she gets around to asking this, I will undoubtedly be old & senile and unable to remember what it felt like to bury my head in her neck and soak in that baby smell. So I will have this as a reference. Most likely not the boob-job, teen moms, richard simmons parts. But things like this:

    

        Dear  Gracie...these are a few of the things you really excel at this week:

• Putting everything directly into your mouth. Including, but certainly not limited to, your own fists (the WHOLE thing), your father's nose and styrofoam coffee holders. 
• Having ridiculously kiss-able, nibble-able chubby rosy cheeks. 
• Sharing your drool dripping pacifier with your Mumma. And by sharing, I mean shoving & smashing it into my mouth.Thanks, doll. 
• Waving. But only when it's convenient for you. This tends to make Mum & Dad look like giant liars. 
• Throwing yourself backwards unexpectedly. Sometimes I think you like the world better when it's turned upside down. 
• Incorporating "mamamama" into your cries and whines, especially when we have the audacity to suggest you remain sleeping at 1 am. Daddy says this is because you already know which one of us is the sucker. 
• Arching your back and refusing to cooperate, particularly when we suggest you subject yourself to the torture device known as your car-seat. 
• Standing up on your own, while holding onto things. Your wobbly legs nearly give me a heart attack every time and have caused several epic superman-like dives in an attempt to save you. 
• Lighting up in a grin that covers your whole face whenever your father walks into the room. And clinging to him for dear life when he attempts to hand you over to me. I simply grew you IN MY BODY, brought you into this world (and you had to squeeze out of my body somehow) without any pain medication, and had you as a permanent accessory to my chest area for the first 5 months of your life. No big deal...Daddy gets a look of adoration. I get...this:

                                                                    

                                    

This is just a smattering of the many skills you have. You come up with something new to amaze me with every day, baby girl. You are almost nine months old- which means you been outside of me as long as you were in. If you could slow down, just a little bit, I'd appreciate it. You also smell really delicious when you come out of the bath & it's just about all I can do not to smother you in kisses constantly (shockingly...you don't seem to enjoy my kiss attacks-what's that about?). That's all for now. 

                     Love, Mumma. 

Maybe this is why you don't enjoy my kisses..because I place you in shopping carts for my own amusement? Sorry about that.






I swear, I don't normally watch this much TV. In fact, I've become sort of a TV nazi since Grace entered our lives. Particularly since I spent one painful all-nighter writing a 10 page literature review about the evils of television on language development. Did you know that just having TV on as background noise reduces parent-child interaction by 20%? OK- stepping off soap-box...NOW. :)
  However, TV provides a plethora of interesting things to talk about. Mainly because TV programming has turned completely ridiculous. 
    
           Teen Mom. Thank you MTV, for this gem. Let me preface this by saying I am in NO position to judge these young women. Being a mother at 22 is difficult enough & I have two super supportive families backing me, as well as a helpful, involved and wonderful fiance, who is such a fantastic father. I can't even imagine being 17 or 18, without the support of resources that I have and making it work. However, I would love to sit down and talk with these girls. Maybe shake them a little bit. Just a little. 
         The couple that gave their baby up for adoption. AMAZING. What a gift. And such a strong, smart decision. One I'm not sure I would ever have the courage to make. I hope that someday their little girl gets to see how they struggled everyday with their decision and that she can understand that she was loved, more than she could even imagine, by being kept away from the ignorance & instability that her birth parents deal with. I am also impressed with Maci. She's 18, works hard, goes to college and deals with her slacker loser boyfriend. She understands that sacrifice was part of the package and rarely complains. 
        The one I would really love to chat with is Farrah. Yes Farrah, being a teen mom is hard. It's not a choice you would have probably made. But it happened. Adjust, accept, move forward. You live in your parents house. Rent free. They pay for EVERYTHING your baby needs. They are supporting you through college. They are doing FAR more than a lot of other parents would do in that situation. And you repay them by dating every guy that moves and going out every single night because you're "a teenager". What makes me saddest is not how you treat your parents...but the fact that one day, you are going to wake up and your little baby is going to be starting kindergarten. And you will have missed all of those precious baby moments. Watching your baby grow & learn is the greatest gift I have ever been given. And you are throwing this away for...pizza dates with complete losers? Mani & Pedi days with the girls? BAHH!


       In other entertaining television today.. Richard Simmons was on Ellen. And Ellen look petrified-- the entire time. I couldn't have asked for a better way to kick-start my day. I couldn't decide  whether he was on drugs... mentally unstable... or just THAT excited about life, weight loss & being Ellen's personal exercise equipment. I'm still unsure. 






   Off to continue my staring contest with the platter of Christmas cookies Andrew's grandmother made for us. Am convinced this is some kind of torture device created just for me & my foolish New Year's resolutions...




   

Why Not?

 I've become that mother. That mother that constantly talks about her own child. Who knows, deep down, that she has other interests, but is so excited with every burp, smile and genius act that I feel compelled to share it with the whole world (consider this an apology to all my facebook  friends for my frequent Gracie-related status updates) That won't stop here I'm afraid. She is the most brilliant, beautiful child I have ever met. I may be a bit biased, but I'm sticking to my guns.
 One of my favorite things about her is that she is undeniably already a goofball. I mean, she didn't have much of a chance to be anything otherwise, given what she had to work with. She is constantly doing silly things and once she realizes she's made you laugh- she does it again. Over and over again. 
       She is also already unimpressed with her parents. I'm not sure how we can be an embarrassment to her at 9 months, but I'm rather proud of it. For example, tonight, while she was taking a bath with Andrew, she sneezed. While face-planting into the water. The sound that it made alone was enough to send us into a fit of giggles. I can't do it justice in words- ask Andrew for a demonstration.  But the icing on the cake was the look she shot us- like "Really Mom & Dad? You're laughing at the combination of my weak neck muscles, my gargantuan and unfortunate head circumference & a poorly timed sneeze? That's funny to you?" I love that you find us a little bit ridiculous Gracie. I know I won't love this when your are rolling you eyes and slamming doors at 16...but for now- it's just plain adorable. 

    It also amazes me what new things I find to be relevant and important now that Grace is around. Andrew & I were watching (and I'm a bit embarrassed to admit it) that horrible reality type game show "Bank of Hollywood" today. If you haven't seen it, the premise of the show is that since we are in a recession, a panel of 4 judges- including winners like Candi Spelling & an obscure member of the Pussycat Dolls- will hear out your plea for money and determine if they want to give you "their" money or not, based on your pitch. The show is mainly trash, but it has it share of heart-wrenching moments as well as absolute ridiculousness. 
     Today, it caused me to feel physically ill. A woman went on, asking for an outrageous sum of money (I think it was around $18,000), so she could get her EIGHTEEN year old daughter a boob job. The daughter was then asked if she would rather have the money right then, for the surgery, OR have the money placed in an investment fund that would be released to her at age 25 so she could make a down payment on a house. She chose...boobs (as well as instant gratification) Really? It made me so sad. Now, I'm not a feminist.. and I'm about as insecure as they come. If offered a free boob job- I'm not sure that I'd be able to turn it down. (Although I'd take the down payment first, IN A HEARTBEAT, if offered) But there are a lot of qualities that I value about myself- most of which go far beyond my physical appearance. It worries me that in our society the value of cup size outweighs the size of your heart, or your brain or a myriad of other important, beautiful qualities. It petrifies me that Grace might not be able to find beauty in the way her nose crinkles when she smiles or how her eyes quite literally light up when she is happy. That she may not value intelligence or wit. I want to protect her from ever feeling less than perfect- but I know, being female, that a day will come when she is less than satisfied with what she sees in the mirror. I just hope that we can give her the tools to look past that and find satisfaction in so much more. 
   Oh and for the record- even the "Bank of Hollywood" had some sense. The girl is still boob-less & obviously miserable. I would say I hope she learned some valuable lesson-- but that's just naive. 


  So, in closing my first post, I hope you come along with me for the ride. I hope you read this and I make you laugh. And think. I know babies aren't everyone's cup of tea- but I promise I do have other things to talk about. I hope this makes me better at keeping in touch with my far-away friends and family. I hope I make it past one post- but no promises :)