Back to reality...

After a fabulous, rejuvenating weekend- the kind full of s'mores and margaritas and laughter and campfires...

I am back to reality. The reality of classes and proving yourself to a new clinical supervisor and trash days and piles of laundry. 

How often do I wish for another reality?

How often do I have these conversations inside my own head:

I wish there was more time. In an hour. A day. A month. Think of the magnificent things I could do with MORE TIME. 

I wish I was rich. So rich that my only responsibilities were staying at home, playing with Grace. So rich that I could buy greek yogurt at the grocery store by the barrel full and not constantly calculate how much I'm spending and not sacrificing fresh produce for organic snacks for Gracie. So rich that I could indulge my whims, Andrew's dreams and buy Grace things like giant stuffed animals. So rich that I could just ENJOY going out to dinner, or meeting friends for drinks. So rich that dreams of travel weren't just dreams. 

I wish I were skinnier. I'd clearly be happier. Less jealous & moody. I'd grow to love exercise and hate french fries and would look gorgeous in everything I tried on. I hate being fat. I'll start dieting tomorrow...by Christmas I'll love myself again, for sure. 

I wish I lived in a great, epic love story. Where I was showered with gifts and affection, constantly. Where there were no hard times, no arguments, no doubt. No turned around or upside down or hurt feelings or compromises or backwards glances. Just prince charming and beauty and breathless joy. ALL THE TIME. 

This is so unfair. All of it. 

What a miserable way to live, always wishing for something else. 

While bemoaning everyone who assumes the grass is always greener- when did I become one of them?

I need to fall in love with MY reality. 

This is not settling. Not throwing my hands up & never wishing for or striving for anything great ever again.  

This is living my life, all the way into the tips of my fingers and the bottom of my sandy summertime feet. Keeping myself from resentment and regrets. Living each moment and appreciating the breath, rather than the anticipation & the exhale.  Just enjoying. 

Enjoying my girl. My sweet, silly baby who constantly makes me laugh and occasionally makes me cry. 

Learning to ignore the stretch marks and the belly I can't blame on just having a baby anymore. 

Enjoying my work. Valuing my education. Learning and reaching out of my comfort zone. 

Appreciating my family & loving my friends for standing by my side. 

Enjoying moments of compromise.

Falling in love with what it is, what it will be- rather than what I wish it was. 

Because my reality? It's not perfect. 

But it's pretty great.

I just need to learn to embrace it...