Ch-ch-ch-changes

Today, while on a walk to the park (thus far the highlight of my week) I was thinking about all the little ways my life has changed over the past year and a half. Not the big, trip over them in broad daylight, kind of changes. But the little, sneak up on you like an extra 5 pounds at christmas time kind of changes. For example 
       
   * I find myself in utter delight at the arrival of fall. In previous years, I've moaned and whined and complained. Detested the end of days spent lounging in the sand, the arrival of responsibility and the disappearance of tan lines. This year? I can't get enough. Of the crisp fall days where we can play outside without slathering on miles of sunscreen. Apple picking. Pumpkin carving. Fairs. HALLOWEEN.  A m a z i n g. 


* When our driveway got paved, my first thought was not how wonderful it would be to be able to bring in my groceries on a rainy day without having to traverse Lake Eire. It was how AWESOME it was going to be for sidewalk chalk. 


* At the fair this week, I gleefully strolled through craft tents and animal barns. I complained there weren't enough knick-knacky sorts of home-goods to look at or buy. The exact things that used to cause epic eye rolls on my behalf when my parents used to drag me with them as a teenager. I'm becoming my mother after all- and I'm proud of it. 


* I can name at least 10 things Gracie might want for Christmas off of the top of my head. But me? Maybe two. And they tend to be outlandish, ridiculous, and highly improbable ideas like, for instance, an I Pad. Or a nicer camera. So I can take pictures. Of Gracie. 


* If I have a few drinks at the end of the day, I no longer think about how many glasses it will take to accomplish a nice glow-y buzz. I think how many glasses it will take to cause me to  wake up in a foggy, headache-y haze that will turn my home into a toddler version of Lord of the Flies. 


* I find myself commiserating with the women at my mom's book club about diapers and nap times and preschools. It's like motherhood is a super secret society, where merit badges are earned for how many hours you were in labor, how many children you have and how presentable you can make yourself appear on a daily basis. And I'm so glad to have been sworn in. 


*Sleeping until 8 am on a weekend is now considered sleeping in. Any minute we can steal, beg or borrow past 6:45 is delicious. The fact that I used to be able to sleep until at least 11... boggles my mind. 


* I'm all the sudden genuinely concerned about issues in the world. Because what kind of world is going to be left for Grace to be a grown-up in? I'm just not sure. And it petrifies me. 


* I feel like I need to arrive places equipped with a waver that says "No I'm not stupid, I just have a small child that sucks up all my brain power and replaces it with goldfish and sippy cups and sweetness." Because baby brain does not stop at just pregnancy. 


 Good, bad, or indifferent- life marches on and Grace has changed me. She reminds me to stop and smell the flowers (literally. Every. single. flower. ) and appreciate things I've never noticed. Except for several glasses of late-night wine. I NEVER appreciate those anymore, especially at 6:15 the next morning. 

Thanks, G Baby, for pushing me forward just by holding my hand.