On why having a fantasy football team is much like being in a bad relationship..

*No matter how great they're predicted to perform,they rarely live up to the hype

*You can't do a thing with them as soon as the football game is on

*It doesn't matter how many different types of guys you choose, they always end up disappointing you at one time or another. 

*No matter how hard you try or how nicely you ask- you just can't make them do anything. 

*You obsessively check your players stats, injury reports, and practice performance much like you might stalk facebook, send incessant text messages and call 84 times. In a row. 

*There are always false promises and unrealistic expectations. For days. 

*You catch yourself longingly looking at other teams rosters, wondering how you could have been so naive. 

*You must act  shocked when your sleeper pick's fantasy performance turns out to be the real-world equivalent of living in his parent's basement, under-employed, and still a college freshman at 27. But he had such POTENTIAL. 

*No matter how many times a player gets sent to the bench, he never learns his lesson until he's dropped from the team. 

*You find yourself counting on comebacks. But we all know the truth is, once a players performance begins to decline- it's game over. 

*You overlook a checkered past, full of less that brilliant off the field snafus and fumbles. And when that mid-season drug suspension comes into play, you are floored & devastated. And everyone in your life (or league) serves you up a big old "told you so". 

*You begin to act irrationally. You cheer when your home team quarterback gets sacked because your fantasy defense is the opposing team. You are subsequently filled with shame. Annnnnnd repeat. 

*You keep holding out hope that your star player will perform better next week...you refuse to trade him for fear that this will be his week, that he'll finally break out...and in the end, you're the one that looks like a fool for putting up with his sub-par performance for so long.

*You analyze every glance, post-game quote, absence from practice, missed series.. for days. You debate and agonize over your next move. You consult with your friends on what you should do. You search google for advice. Constantly. 

*There are always excuses. The other team had a break-out day. My ankle injury is flaring up. Coach pulled me out at the goal line. Blah, blah, blah. 

*You find a way to bring it up in every single conversation until everyone you know either a)avoids talking to you or b) rolls their eyes the second you open your mouth. 

*Their behavior  is often a complete mystery, whether it's because someone gets mad at you for no apparent reason or when they find a way to drop three passes in the end zone in one game. The goal is not a perfect season, just a winning one. Or so you keep telling yourself. Over and over again.

*You hope, you plan and you anticipate...but not everything (read: nothing) will go the way you want. 

The cuteness almost takes the sting away of a winless season.

And living with someone who is in the same league AND is undefeated. 

Almost.